Zion Dreamer

Dreaming...

2011-11-19T11:35:00.000-08:00

Fall in Alabama is amazing. It is beautiful outside. Creighton is busy building a tree house. I am busy working on my hen house (photos forthcoming). But today I am dreaming of our backyard outdoor living room.
This is the nearly blank slate we have to start with:

Plans for my fireplace: Hopefully it will look more like this:

And when we are done with the whole project, I am envisioning something like this:

Lots of plans in the works here at the Texas Embassy. I will keep you updated.

Obsession de jour: Tostitos Restaurant Style Salsa

2011-11-08T22:58:00.000-08:00

Have you tasted this stuff? I could drink it right out of the jar.
I could dip kitty litter crackers in this and it would be transcendent.
I have literally consumed an entire jar in one sitting.

Iain McGilchrist: The divided brain | Video on TED.com

2011-10-25T19:29:00.000-07:00

All Creatures of our God and King

2011-10-14T08:30:00.001-07:00

We came to Alabama with Apollo (best dog on planet earth) and Athena (voted "most naughty" by all people on planet earth).

When we arrived, Bama the goat entered our lives. I have wanted a goat for a long time but our Overland Park suburban cul-de-sac was not conducive.

Then came Dolphin, the stray kitten. Fluffy, smart, friendly, hilarious. (Dolphin was the name of our swim team this summer and we found him at the pool).

Helo (pronounced Hee-lo) is our most recent purchase. Most money we have ever spent on an animal - and he is so worth it. What a well-bred prince, that one!

We finally bought a chicken coop and our first two chickens have turned out to be roosters - HAAAAA. But they are so much fun we can't get rid of them! Will be adding HENS very soon!

And besides that, it seems like every other day we are delighted by one of God's lovely creation!

When we came to Alabama, my top priority on the list was to find some land (5acres) so the kids could have just a glimpse of what I was blessed to grow up with. The climate here is so great - we spend hours upon hours outdoors. I am very thankful for this property. We have been hard at work making it a wonderland for the kids. More on that later!

Shane and Shane in concert at Bama Wesley

2011-10-12T20:05:00.000-07:00

Miss my friends!

It was so good to be with the Shanes last night at Bama Wesley. They are out on tour promoting their new CD "The One You Need".

People. This album is so good. So good. Go out and get it!

Living with chickens

2011-10-10T22:01:00.000-07:00

I was so thrilled a month ago to get my young hens. The woman from whom I bought them told me that they were growing and would be close to laying within weeks. I waited - pregnant with anticipation.
You can imagine my surprise to discover that these hens, ahem, were not actually hens at all. They began to "cockadoodledoo" last week.

Yeah, I was likely tricked into buying roosters, as I haven't the slightest knowledge of the distinction of male and female in the black osterlorp breed (or of any breed for that matter). Thing is, now the children have already fallen in love with these birds! They are so tame and funny.
So, needless to say, we are keeping them. And Iris and Daisy have been appropriately renamed.

Check out my church production blog!

2011-10-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

I invited my friend and colleague Josh Knight to join me on my church blog: churchproduction.wordpress.com

We talk about everything from presentation software to managing volunteers - communion servers to technical production products.

Pass the word around!

Garden Dreams

2011-08-20T06:55:00.000-07:00

I have picked out the perfect spot for my garden.

It's close to the house, flat and sunny. Most of our property is sloped or heavily wooded. The garden area is overgrown with brush but it will be fairly easy to prep with a tiller.
I'm going for a design that is practical and simple, with raised beds. It will probably look something like this.

I will put a fence around it to keep the critters out. It is a fairly large area, so this is the future site of my chicken coop/yard as well.

A brief update on me and the family

2011-06-18T07:09:00.000-07:00

1. Homeschooling is great. I have learned so much about the process and about myself. I have learned tons about my kids.
- their eating habits
- their preferred sleep habits
- when they get grumpy
- their love languages
- their conflict styles
- how to stop conflict before it starts
- their learning styles

2. I have been reading a TON (since I have no technological link to the outside world)
2 books on composting
2 books on raising chickens
3 books on organic gardening
1 book about Labyrinths
9 books on landscaping (ideas, pictures, design plans, how-to's)
1 book on how to read a book
1 book on the anatomy of Yoga (currently reading)

Oh and I am just about to finish up Rob bell's book, Love Wins.

3. I have watched my husband lose 60+ pounds.
Amazing to see Creighton successfully achieve his goal. He finally just decided to go for it. So proud of him. He is running too.

4. I have watched myself gain 10 pounds.
Here are the contributing factors.
- I no longer have a job that keeps me walking for 6 hours a day
- my whole world is less than 30 steps from my kitchen
- I have not been exercising since we quit Lifetime Fitness in KC
- I feed my kids 3 full meals and intermittent snacks everyday
- I have drank more wine these past 5 months than I ever have before
- I felt isolated and a little depressed for the first few months of our move

The good news is that I feel like I am getting a handle on it and have lost a few of the pounds back. I think I am on the mend.

5. We joined the country club.
This has been a huge blessing because my children and I are finally able to meet people. They have made some friends (just before they revolted on me for taking them away from their life in Overland Park). We joined the club swim team - which is exposing the kids to competitive swimming in a fun, low commitment kind of a way.
In the fall, we plan to get golf clubs and try to learn to play golf.

No computer for 5 months

2011-06-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

I returned my Macbook pro to the church when I left Resurrection January 20. Creighton had his laptop still, so I borrowed it from time to time to blog, surf, watch hulu, shop, pay bills....etc.
Well, It got old and fried one day so NEITHER of us had a computer. Creighton relied on his iPad to keep him going. But I have had zilcho. Ugh.
Finally, he has a new Macbook pro which he keeps with him at all times.

I am still pining for a new mac. But it will take another couple of months for me to save up the dough to get it.
In the meantime, I am sneaking some time on Creighton's laptop while he is out running this morning.

A few blissful moments to blog, surf, watch hulu, shop, pay bills....etc.

Laura Story is building our worship band

2011-04-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

Creighton asked Laura Story to drive over from Atlanta for two reasons:
1. To lead worship at our three preview services this spring.
2. To audition and work with students who will be the worship leaders for Wesley in the fall.

So far we have had two of the three preview services. At the first one, we had 20 people there. Last night, at our second service, there were 60 students. Creighton was thrilled last night.

Composting

2011-03-30T21:21:00.000-07:00

One of the ways I am prepping for my garden, is to start a compost pile. I have interviewed some folks over the years about composting, and organic gardening, but this is new territory for me. I ordered three books from Amazon, specifically about composting. The one that helped me the most: Composting for Dummies.

That's right, Composting for Dummies. LOL

There are so many different ways to compost!
At first, I was looking for a tumbler or rotating composting bin to keep outside near my garden. I realized that I don't need to spend the $150+ to get that when I can simply erect a compost pile anywhere. For free....
I'm sure my compost pile will be moved when I finally build my garden, but I want to keep my compost near the garden area.
So here's my rudimentary first go at composting.

1. Procured 3 product flats from my local strip mall.
2. Prepped the flats by insulating them with cardboard (this helps to heat the pile).
3. Moved them to their location, and tied them together with bailing wire.

Meditation vacation

2011-03-30T07:50:00.000-07:00

Making the move to stay home and home schooling has been eye opening.

I have been intentional about observing my children - their tendencies and patterns throughout the day.

There is a time in the afternoon (around 3 or 4) when they become loud, irritable and sometimes aggressive with each other.

3 days ago I instituted a time of mediation for all of us to take a break, relax, calm down. When I start to notice the kids become fussy with each other I call out, "Meditation Vacation!" We head to the playroom and sit in a circle. We breathe and pray, sing or OM together for a few minutes.

I might take this time to look directly at their faces and say something encouraging to them. I might discuss the plan for the remainder of the day. I might remind them of one of our family virtues.
Meditation vacation only lasts for about 10 minutes - but that seems to be enough to press the reset button.

Yesterday, Whitby fell asleep in Half Lotus. She slept for about 10 minutes, then popped up and flittered off with a smile.

2 months in Tuscaloosa

2011-03-23T08:43:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe we have been in Tuscaloosa for 2 months.

Spring is lovely in the sunny south. The kids and I have enjoyed exploring our property to discover all the blooming surprises. The property was owned by the same family since the early 1900's. They built the house in 1960. They planted some great trees and shrubs and we are reaping the beautiful benefits of their work.

We have about 16 dogwood trees - their blooms take my breath away.

Azaleas are flowering all around our house. They draw our attention every time we step outside.

We have a bamboo forest that the kids spend a lot of time in. I don't know how fast bamboo grows or how long ago these trees were planted, but many of their trunks are 6-8 inches around. I have not seen bamboo this big. Whitby wants me to contact the Chinese government and see if we can adopt a panda to live here.

The creek has become our favorite activity. I love going out to the creek with the kids because the minute we step into the water, we step into another world and I get to observe their creativity and imagination. I'm doing tons of laundry though because everyone comes home covered in dirt and creek water. IT'S WORTH IT!

The children aren't the only ones enjoying this property. Apollo and Athena are in doggy bliss. There are dozens of trails, smells, burrows and critters to keep their attention for hours. They are with us every hour of the day. They come in exhausted from playing outside with the kids for hours. They have found their favorite little comfy, shady outdoor resting places as well.

Some pics of the house

2011-03-10T12:43:00.000-08:00

A couple of you have asked for pics of my house. Here are a a few.

This house is so cool. It's a TOTAL fixer upper. We will eventually redo EVERYTHING.

For now, it's totally liveable. We bought it because of the acreage (5 acres) and the proximity to Creighton's job (10 minutes).

This house is about half the size as our house in Overland Park (at least right now, until we get the basement finished).

Therefore, we have had to do a lot of trimming...

It's been great.
Don't get me wrong, I miss my house in KC - LOVED THAT HOUSE (not to mention my friends and my job and the kids's school, and my community and my church...).
But this is my opportunity to simplify and focus on the family! The kids are loving our property - the trees and the creek. They are never bored!

One Month in Tuscaloosa

2011-03-02T23:12:00.000-08:00

I have to say, winter in Alabama has been a balmy dream. We left Kansas when it was 7 degrees outside, with 7 inches of snow on the ground. I think it hovered at >15 for like 2 weeks.
Meanwhile, my kids have been playing outside everyday for hours.

Spring sprung 10 days ago and already I have been gathering up little delights from around our property.

Adorned

2011-02-26T16:54:00.000-08:00

The kids and I are playing outside. 60degrees in February.

Suddenly I feel someone touching my hair. When I turn around, I see all three kids picking peonies. They decide I needed a little adornment.

In this moment, I love the feeling of being pampered. I love the physical touch of their hands in my hair.

Recycle it!

2011-02-23T07:48:00.000-08:00

I chuckled this morning as I remembered the conversation that first inspired me to recycle. In 2004, we had some friends over for dinner. I finished off the milk and then used my inner thighs to collapse the milk jug. I put the lid back on and threw it in the trash.
My friend Jimmy Emery asked, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "Well when I collapse it, it takes up less room in my trash and in the landfill."
He laughed, and with gentle correction he said, "Nikki, why don't you just recycle it?"

An eye-opening experience for me.

Now, we recycle everything we can: cardboard, paper, cans, bottles, and most definitely milk jugs.

How and when did you begin?

Things I learned from my friend Allyson

2011-02-20T17:46:00.000-08:00

The kids and I went to Mississippi this weekend to see my friend Allyson (and family).

I call her my "mother-earth" friend. We went to seminary together.

She grinds her own wheat.
She feeds her family healthy stuff.
She drinks a lot of water.
She homeschools her kids.

1. You have to discipline your kids. Rewards are great but you have to balance them with dicipline - - previously discussed, consistent discipline. Tell your kids exactly what will happen for a specific infraction. Then follow through.

2. Inform the kids that discipline counts double if they do it in public.

3. Use tea tree oil for bites. It has anti-bacterial skin healing properties.

4. Eating in is so much better than eating out. Allyson is passionate about food and cooking. She would always choose to stay in and cook for everyone than go out to dinner.

5. Pray with your kids every night. Then come in and pray OVER them after they are asleep. This woman believes in the power of prayer.

My school room

2011-02-12T21:28:00.000-08:00

I finally finished my school room. Really excited about it!

My curtains are hung on a bamboo tree that I cut on our property.

We hung a cable across one wall to display the children's art.

In a phase called "Learner"

2011-02-11T18:02:00.000-08:00

I have been voraciously researching, asking, observing and learning.

This move to Alabama has taken me to a new place. I am loving being home with the children and exploring the new world of homeschooling and staying with the kids full time. I'm tip-toeing into the idea of homesteading as well.

I am trying to boldly go where many have gone before. Here are some of my questions:

1. What is the best chicken coop?
2. What is the best composting process?
3. How do I build a vegetable garden?
4. What is the best home-schooling curriculum?
5. How do I build a tree-house?
6. What are some good books for kids these days? (age 9,7,5)
7. What kinds of things can I do with all the bamboo on my property?

These are just the few tabs I have open on my desktop right now. Every chance I get I am taking "field trips" to see friends and acquaintances to gain wisdom and counsel.

My main learning quest: Getting to know my children better. I am experiencing them in fresh new ways. I love it. I am blissfully content right now (and pleasantly surprised).

Goodbye to my friends

2011-01-14T08:40:00.000-08:00

It grieves my heart to leave my job at Resurrection. I am so thankful and have learned so much working here. But the saddest thing to leave is my volunteer position as a worship leader at Vibe. 5 hours of my week that I don't even get paid for - and it's the hardest thing to say goodbye to.

We're moving...

2011-01-13T21:57:00.000-08:00

I'm so conflicted.

I love my job here at Resurrection. I love my friends, community, neighborhood, house, elementary school. I LOVE leading worship on Sunday mornings at Vibe.

But we have the opportunity in this move to Alabama for me to stay home with the kids. I am even considering home-schooling! This stay-home thing is something I have never done. Frankly, I don't know if I will be any good at it. But I am excited to try.

If I die in 2011

2010-12-29T20:00:00.000-08:00

2010 comes to a close. The life of Valeria Weaver, Creighton's grandmother (age 92) is celebrated and remembered. My friend Rhonda has just lost her husband to cancer. New adventures await the Alexander family...

Sitting here in a quiet room, watching my children sleep. Dogs curled up at the side of the bed.

I am reminded of one small group experience led by Lori Cousino a few :) years back. She called it Epitaph. "If you died this year", she queried, "what would you envision for your funeral?"

As of tonight, here are a few of my thoughts (to which I reserve the right to add)...

1. Clergy: Please contact Stephanie Hudson Caldwell to officiate. If she's not available, have Greg Taylor do it. Or JD Walt. This has to be someone creative and clever, who appreciates my uniqueness, mildly pastoral, and knows how to BRING IT.

2. Songs: These must make people cry. They may think they are crying for me, but really they are crying in thankfulness for their own lives and choosing to be a better person - more generous, more attentive, more loving. Here are the songs: "my beloved wife" and "these are days" and "where I go" by Natalie Merchant. If Natalie can't make it, these must be sung by Leanne Donaldson. She alone will understand how I want these songs to be communicated.

3. Scripture, excerpts and poetry: My husband, DJ Strong and Kate Pocklington will choose scripture and poetry. Creighton will fly Kate here to read, from wherever she is, whether it be India, or Austrailia or Detroit. Not just because she has a sexy austrailian voice - - but because of her passion and her authenticity. She is an artist and translates the love and sacrifice of Jesus every single day of her life.

*The only excerpt I choose myself is chapter 12 of C.S.Lewis' THE GREAT DIVORCE.

In this chapter the main character sees a procession honoring a woman. Boys and girls prance around her left and right. Our man is told that these are not her biological children, but that she opened her heart to all the children that came across her path. These children received her love and loved their own parents more as a result. Because of her example, men loved their own wives more as well. There were cats and dogs also, because she was kind to every animal that came her way. She shines and she abides in joy and love. She is truly happy in this place. The book says of her:

"The abundance of life she has in Christ from the Father flows over into them (the animals that were dancing around). It is like when you throw a stone into a pool, and the concentric waves spread out further and further. Who knows where it will end? Redeemed humanity is still young, it has hardly come to its full strength. But already there is joy enough in the little finger of a great saint such as yonder lady to waken all the dead things of the universe into life." Wow.

4. Pall Bearers. Ladies... They don't actually have to lift the casket anyway - - so this one needs to be done by my besties (not listed in any particular order).

Lori
Randel
Laura
Shannon
Heather
Brenda
Allyson
Chelsea
Stacy
Michelle
Shelley
Jenny
Elizabeth
Nan
(I think the maximum is 6 but whatev)

Overall plan for the day: My sister is the queen mother in charge. Do as she says. Anne Baker and Sandy Ball will make sure she thinks through all the details of hospitality.

The funeral will be held at Church of the Resurrection because they know how to throw a funeral.

Finally, everyone must go to the after party for lots of Mexican food and margaritas. Creighton will be the last one there, because the Alexanders always outlast everyone.

What if you died in 2011? What are three things you would want at your funeral?

Refresh 2010

2010-12-20T10:40:00.001-08:00

Since 2005, Refresh was held at The Woodlands United Methodist church, Houston area. It was a fantastic facility with a great staff. Because my husband and I are two of 5 people on the design team, and we live in Kansas City, we suggested a move to the midwest. Refresh was hosted by Church of the Resurrection this year.

Obviously, this proved convenient for me, as I am the tech producer for events at the church. I had the luxury of deploying staff and volunteers to run the production for the event.

Refresh drew over 200 United Methodist campus ministry leaders (up from 159 last year). Laura Story was our worship leader. The keynote speakers were: Olu Brown, Alan Hirsch, Adam Hamilton and Pete Grieg. Here are a few of the photos from the conference (courtesy of Philip Hernandez and Joseph Mcbrayer).

Thanksgiving 2010. I love these freaking kids.

2010-11-25T16:03:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving at Papa's

2010-11-25T15:17:00.000-08:00

Wine.

Tons of food.

Dallas Cowboys.

4 people on laptops.

Playing with the dogs.

Afternoon walk at the ranch.

Grandma entertaining us with her crazy parrots.

Surprisingly respectful conversations on economics, policy and farming.

I love my family.

Creighton's 40th!!

2010-11-17T19:22:00.001-08:00

Hard to believe. My significantly older ;) husband turned 40 last weekend!

Thanks to Daniel Irving and Steve Hambrick for flying in for the occasion. Friday night, I planned a dudemanbro night. 5 guys (Daniel and Steve plus Nathan Webb and David blackwell) on the town in KC.
1. Happy hour at McCoys
2. Dude movie
3. Irish band at the Irish Pub downtown
4. Denny's for closing time munchies

Steve and Creighton took Daniel to the airport Saturday after lunch. Then they went shopping and to another movie. Meanwhile - I was setting up for the party at my house.

Shout out to Rob Webster for capturing the moments!!

Here are some of the photos from the night:

Connecting with my daughter

2010-11-14T21:10:00.000-08:00

Whitby is nothing like me (except physically what with her being exactly like me).

She's precious and I feel like I have a pretty good relationship with her. However I often fear that since we are so different, I may be wounding her unwittingly.

I have figured out that her primary love language is "quality time" with "words of affirmation" as a close second.
This is interesting for me because my top two are "gifts" and "acts of service". I for sure know I need to have more one on one time with her. I have taken her on mommy/daughter dates and it blesses her so much. Not sure why I don't do it more often...

She's highly competitive. I'm somewhat competitive, but when I lose, I get over it. She hates to lose - even gets nasty so she won't have to.

She's emotional. She gets angry easily. These are things I don't understand - things that I don't have compassion toward.

She's driven, determined and calculating. All these things are good. But since I don't share such characteristics, I sometimes don't know the best way to shepherd her.

She's an INTJ (Myers Briggs personality type indicator), or at least that's my guess right now. I am an INFP. We are both introverts. We are both future oriented and meaning makers - intuitive. So in that there are a few similarities.

But she is a Thinker and I am a Feeler. She is a need-to-know-everything before she starts, closure person. I am a spontaneous, curious open-ended person.

This girl is amazing. I think the world of her and want nothing more than to know how to connect with her. I guess I just haven't really taken the time to work on it. I need to become a student of Whitby - so I can learn how to love her the way she needs to be loved.

I could really use some advice on this right now.

New ((professional)) blog....

2010-11-14T21:05:00.001-08:00

So I decided to start a blog centered around church production - worship, technology, design, implementation, leadership.
Surprisingly all the blog names I searched were available. churchproduction, churchproducer, worshipproduction, worshipproducer...
This confirmed my suspicion that most of the people out there doing worship and event production in churches are islands. Whenever I talk to producers, they express the feeling that they are inventing their jobs as they go. And they are disconnected from others like them.
Note: This theory may only exist in the United Methodist church as we are about 10 years behind everyone else.

So check it out if you are interested in that kind of stuff. I am getting a couple of posts in the hopper now.

Trying to decide on my web banner. Thoughts?

WFX conference

2010-11-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

I love conferences.

For real I do.
I'm curious, love to meet people, make connections, discuss what I'm learning with my team.

I'm at a Tech Production conference in Atlanta.

Started out a little Sketch. I went to my first workshop; left disappointed. Went to my second workshop; left wishing they would have had me teaching it.

The worship experience on the first day was nice.
The music was quality, albeit non-sing-along-able for your average white tekkie guy (80% of the room). The video, lighting and sound production was ok.
I look at these experiences with a critical eye (not in a judgmental manner, rather comparing/contrasting/understanding). I try to fully engage while taking mental interpretive notes.
We heard from Ed Stetzer, the director of LifeWay Research in Nashville. He talked about keeping the main thing the main thing. Why we do what we do - - Jesus. A message I have heard dozens of times, but it's ok because he was interesting and engaging and used scripture. His content was clear, his flow was structured and his presentation style was casual and clever.

I had high hopes that things would pick up for the second day. The last thing I want is for my church to spend money for me to go to a conference and to return from the conference empty handed.

Good news: things got better. The three workshops I attended the second day were helpful and added value. The worship experience had the same band singing non-sing-along-able unfamiliar gospel songs - but today I knew what to expect so I just rolled with it.
The keynote was great. Shawn King is a pastor in Atlanta. Talked about staying connected to your congregation through social media. Again, mostly stuff I know already. But he was engaging... shared stories, gave practical advice, and knew his audience.

My favorite take-aways came from the two workshops that Dennis Choy ( @dennischoy ) led. He had a lot of practical counsel on how to lead a production ministry.

Overall, glad I came.

Had a great time with my team.
Got away and got perspective on some things (I have been in a bit of a funk at work lately).
Had time to process ideas and goals for ministry.
Got to have sushi with one of my besties who lives in Atlanta.

Final thoughts:
I'm thinking about starting a blog for church producers. It is a niche but I know we are out there...

Gettin' all "mama bear" up in here

2010-10-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

My son had a concert tonight.

He was so excited about his performance. He wanted to look his best. He decided he wanted to wear his bow tie and suspenders (the outfit he wore at Bethany's wedding, minus the fedora).
I double checked, "Are you sure buddy?" "Yes, mom. And everyone will notice how handsome I look. And maybe Emily will notice too."
So I helped him get dressed and off he went to the performance.

I arrived just at start time. Canon waved at me. He did a great job; he looked fantastic. What a fun night....

Afterward, Canon came up to me and I could tell something was wrong. "Are you ok?" I asked. "Mom, everyone saw my suspenders and bow tie and they all laughed at me".
He fell into my arms. He held on tight trying to hold back his tears.
I could feel anger welling up inside of me. I wanted to go kick the shins of every third grader in the room. At the very least, I wanted to go jump up on stage and soapbox about individuality and unique expression, about community and bullying, blah blah blah.

Instead, I took his face in my hands and said, "I'm so sorry buddy. Let's go home".

I have been pondering:

1. What is a healthy response to something like this?
2. How do I turn this into a teaching moment for my kids?
3. Why is the incident affecting me in such a raw way?

One person said, "Well, they have to learn sometime". Learn what? How to conform to the opinions of peers? Why do they have to learn that? I don't see the logic.

Creighton took Canon for some ice cream and he seemed to be ok when he got home.

As I tucked the kids in I opened the experience up for discussion. We talked about how it feels to be laughed at. We talked about how to be a leader when we see people laughing at a classmate or friend.
I encouraged them (and reminded myself) that the opinions of others do not define who we are. Nothing can change the fact that we are cherished and unique.

We prayed and thanked God that we are his creation, he gave us life and we belong to him. We asked him to help us learn from this and to give us wisdom when situations like this arise.

Leadership Institute 2010

2010-10-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

As the Tech producer for Events at The Church of the Resurrection, I have the privilege of being the production manager for Leadership Institute, a conference put on by our church staff.

My teams were amazing and LI was a success (from what I could tell). In all, I recruited about 50 people to pull off the technical production of this event.

There tends to be a lack of education about what a producer actually does. I wrote about this over a year ago, asking, "What exactly is the role of a producer?"

Over these past 2.5 years at Resurrection, I have come to understand more of what my job is supposed to be.

A producer sees the overall picture.
A producer owns the flow of the experience.
A producer has their finger on the pulse of the audience.
A producer translates the ideas of the pastors and leaders.
A producer assembles just the right team to execute the plan.

I was fretting about LI because while it is valuable to the life and ministry of thousands of pastors and lay leaders, it is a huge drain on our people and resources. I am still feeling an LI hangover 5 days later. I am glad it's over. However, this year (my 3rd Leadership Institute) I experienced a collaboration and a synergy with my co-workers that was blissful. I am so thankful for the worship producers and technical directors I work with. We all locked arms and pressed through together. We blocked for each other, stepped in and filled in. Everyone worked with a grateful and humble attitude.

I am amazed by the friends in my department at Resurrection. It is a gift to work alongside people who are uniquely gifted for creativity and vision.

Worship.

2010-10-05T13:08:00.000-07:00

We attended to 4 different worship experiences while travelling.

I suppose I should get a hand slap for not remembering the content of the sermons. But there are things I pay very close attention to:

1. The flow of the service.
2. The leadership (pastoral, musical, logistic).
3. The technical production.

The first service was on a Sunday evening at a 4 year old church plant. This community renovated a closed-down United Methodist Church building. They inserted modern and artistic elements to a traditional space, incorporated some historical pieces, and added a hospitality room for folks to gather and connect before and after worship.
The service had a female worship leader which I thought was so cool. She was amazing.....as an entertainer. She was a gifted singer/piano player and a good band leader. But after the third song I realized that no one in the congregation was singing along. They were admiring her and enjoying her music - but not engaging. This is how I feel sometimes at the contemporary service at Resurrection. The worship leaders and ensembles are so talented and polished, it often keeps the congregation at arms length.
The production quality was above average. Sound and lighting were good. They needed some coaching on their graphics though. It looked like they were using "EasyWorship", a presentation software that is fairly limited. I'd rather just default back to PowerPoint, because there is no way to adjust the size of type in EasyWorship.
Overall the service was great. The pastor was engaging and the community seemed healthy and warm. This is refreshing for a United Methodist congregation.

The second service was in a large Southern Baptist sanctuary. There were 800+ college students and young adults in attendance. The worship leader was a good band leader and a decent congregation leader, but I was puzzled with the song choices. I guess it's because I work at Resurrection where we are so careful to choose lyrics that connect both with the religious and the non-religious, I thought the songs were extremely churchy and filled with Christian jargon. I couldn't focus on singing because I was trying to read all of the religious language from the perspective of a non-religious person. Also, there were 8-9 lines of text on each page. I prefer 3-4 lines on each page, so that the worshipper can take in the phrase they are singing, before moving onto the next. Lighting and graphics were tasteful.
The message was 45 minutes long, which would be sortof a beating, except the pastor was funny and had cool tattoos :). I was impressed with his careful adherence to scripture. His sermon was clear and focused - although he talked about his french bulldog way too much. It was obvious that students were excited to be there, because their greeter team had about 50 people.

The third experience was like nothing I have never seen before. It was a student led, non-denominational weekly gathering. There was no band. The worship leaders (4 people on stage) were leading to - - I kid you not, a hip hop worship mix. Sounds ultra cheesy, but actually it was so much of a rave-club-scene-Jesus-pep-rally experience, I left there wanting to drink a red bull and go street preaching.
*instead we went to a local bar to drink a beer.
It looked like someone gave a group of college students $400,000 and said, "Go buy lots of state of the art equipment and teach yourselves how to run it." They did a good job, but it was obvious that there was no direct leader for their production team (or any of their volunteer teams for that matter). It was rather chaotic.
Obviously this is not keeping people from plugging in; there were about 1000 college students and young adults at this service.

The fourth was a United Methodist campus ministry worship service. 30 people. 3 songs, a 16 minute talk, one more song and some announcements. The music was blah, the talk was blah, the announcements were blah, leadership was blah, production was blah.
Sadly, this is the state that most of our UM campus ministries. I like to call it "13th grade youth group". I'm could get out my soapbox. But instead I will end with this.

As a producer, I am thankful I had the opportunity to get outside of my work at Church of the Resurrection, and participate in other worship experiences in other cities and other denominations. It helps me see my work with fresh eyes. I return feeling thankful, inspired and ready to take it to the next level.

Quite possibly the cutest wedding I have ever been to...

2010-10-04T21:15:00.000-07:00

At least a hundred weddings.

Early twenties: bridesmaid. I had a pretty impressive non-wear-again-able dresses.

Mid-twenties: wedding singer. You name it, I sang it.

Late-twenties: b-team (cake cutter or guest signer-inner). Yet somehow I am still all thumbs in the hostess department.

All weddings since: My husband is officiant or my children are the ring bearers or flower girl.

One hundred(ish) weddings. All amazing.

This one however takes the wedding cake for the absolute most adorable.

Difficult to describe... Retro - modern - rustic maybe? At times, I felt like I stepped into an "O Brother, Where Art Thou" movie.

I'll let the photos do the describing.

THE FLOWER CHILDREN (NOT LISTED IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE, OK A LITTLE BIT LISTED IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE)

THE COUPLE

THE VENUE

THE CEREMONY

THE RECEPTION

THE GETAWAY CAR...

My mom died from breast cancer.

2010-10-01T18:53:00.000-07:00

You can imagine how freaked out I was when I "found a lump" 3 weeks ago. I scheduled a doctor visit and mammogram right away, then called my sister. She talked me through all the things it could be and affirmed me for doing a breast exam.

Mamogram was a week later, my husband went with me.

Fibrous cyst. Whew. Same thing my sister found 4 years ago.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. #writepink is encouraging everyone to say a little something.

Everyday during those two weeks of waiting, I told myself "I'm sure it's nothing", and "I'm still too young for this to be happening". But fear and anger kept creeping in. My mind sketched portraits of myself pale, skinny and bald. I pictured other morbid scenarios, which is beside the point. The results came back NEGATIVE.

I am thankful to be fully present, enjoying family and marriage and work and community - reminded to live and cherish life.

Every June, I write about my mom, the amazing Pamela Jean Whitby Strong, whose perfect, beautiful and precious life was taken by that insidious, murderous, careless bitch we call breast cancer.
See past posts here:
Remembering Pamela
In Memoriam
St. Pamela's Feast Day
Remembrance

Mom was first diagnosed at age 45 with breast cancer. She muscled through a couple of years of chemo and surgery, then was clean for 5 years. Then, the tumor metastasized and for 3 long years, she took it to the mat. Chemo, surgery, radiation, chemo, surgery, radiation.

Then experimental.

Then I had my first baby. Then one last surgery. Then a family trip to Bahamas. Then she was gone.

Obsession de jour: using the word "hashtag" in everyday conversations

2010-09-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

I can't take credit for it. A few weeks ago, my friend Joey Humke (twitter: @humkedance) said, "wouldn't it be awesome if we just started saying the word 'hashtag' when we wanted people to really listen?"

Brilliant. Hashtag,whydidn'tIthinkofthat?

So I have been experimenting with this lately.

One example from this afternoon: Heads up in the parking lot kids! Hashtag,letstrynottogetrunoverbyacartoday. (PS, my kids looked at me and said, "what??")

Benefits to saying the word hashtag, just before something profound.

1. Take that text talk to the next level. Saying BRB, BFF, BTW, or I totally just LOL'd, is so last year. It's time to give your Twitter-life a voice.

2. People will tune in. C'mon everyone is tired of the boring words that come out of your mouth. Spice it up. Remember how you sometimes preface a mind-blowing statement with the word "listen" or "look"? Replace that with the word "hashtag". See how it goes. My hunch is that everyone will worship you.

Sexual Healing

2010-09-05T13:08:00.000-07:00

"You should never say no to sex with your husband."

This is a direct quote from my mom, the late Pamela Whitby Strong. When I first got married, I took this advice lightly. My mom was raised in a traditional mid-class american household of the '50s. Being a feminist, I responded, "Mom, you're old-school and it's adorable." As the years go on, I continue to hear her voice in my head holding me accountable as a wife.

I have been thinking about sex lately.

I have had some interesting conversations in the past few months with some of my sisters out there. Statements like, "sex is such a chore", "I'm too tired by the end of the day to have sex", "I literally never think about it"....sounds like we need some sexual healing up in here.

I'm no marital or sex therapist (disclaimer), I am well aware that there are marriages with severe struggles - I don't presume to know what you might be going through. So forgive me if I sound simplistic or trite. I am simply a wife with a few thoughts on the subject. I welcome your comments.

1. This is an opportunity to serve.
I know, you feel like a servant all day long. People are asking things of you, whining, groping, fussing, tugging, talking back.... and then there's the children, whining, groping, fussing....
You feel like a vending machine.
You feel like a milk factory.
You feel like an ATM.
You feel like a taxi service.
You feel like a mediator, coach, counselor, teacher, housekeeper, disciplinarian, chief whip-cracker.
So by the time the family is back home in the evening, and everyone is fed, bathed and put in bed, the last thing you want is for one more person to ask one more thing of you, right? Sisters, he's not trying to take from you - he's trying to commune with you. Of all the requests of the day, this is top-tier priority. If we truly are called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, and love one another, and consider one another before ourselves, this is a great way serve.

2. He wants you - why is this an issue?
When your husband is initiating sex, that communicates that he desires you and wants connection with you. Some men get shamed by their wives, as if it is sinful or selfish. Sex is a good and perfect gift from God - the gift of connection, oneness, and of pleasure. Yes, there are other issues of intimacy. Maybe you don't feel cherished or respected. Maybe he needs to pour into you emotionally. I am well aware that in the midst of emotional tension it's hard to want physical expression. But if you are waiting for all to be right in the emotional realm in order for you to give it up - you are missing out. Withholding sex only makes him feel rejection and failure. Coach him by modeling the act of giving. Then talk to him later about what you want and need.

3. Pray! That'll get you in the mood!
Ask God to soften your heart toward your husband. Ask God to bless your sex life. Ask for a renewed desire. Ask God for emotional favor with your man. Ask for strength and stamina so you can give all of you. Ask God to produce fruit (not just babies) in your marriage. Bring God into the room!

((SIDENOTE: don't worry, I almost went with, "Get your pray on so you can get your freak on", or "Get prayed up, then cowboy up". #whyamisoawesome))

Friends, marriage is hard work! And striving for excellence and satisfaction in marriage is a never-ending endeavor. By no means do I have it all together. But I think it is important for us to talk about this stuff and to encourage each other.

Bad School Mom V: Get into the groove

2010-09-02T20:21:00.000-07:00

Ok so I get it.

You make a schedule. You work it one day at a time. Sometimes you nail it, sometimes you fail it.

I can say one thing: I have not made my kids late once this first 2.5 weeks of school (priority 1). I have made time for prayer every morning (priority 2). I have not RUSHED them out the door (priority 3). I have instituted "clean-out-backpack-and-do-homework: time. (Priority 4). I have made their lunches everyday (priority 5) - except Fridays which is their reward for eating the mom-lunch every other day of the week.

Did I bathe them everyday? No. Did I do 10 minutes of yoga everyday? No. Did I pick out their clothes the night before every night? No. These are less significant. But I did it most of the time.

If I keep it up, awesome. If I lose a couple here and there, I'm not going to flog myself. The huge learning curve is putting a schedule in place and resolving to stick to it.

Thanks to all my sisters and brothers who care enough to counsel and mentor me in this "growth area" of my life. You are all amazing friends who I respect and adore. You have helped me more than you know!!

Obsession de jour: Junk Gypsie

2010-08-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

My friend Randel introduced me to Junk Gypsie. Oh my. My pupils pulsate at every single item on this site. Perhaps you should check it out. http://www.gypsyville.com/

Pretty obsessed with these boots. Hoping for an ebay sale that can score me some cash or maybe a lottery win (wait, I don't know how to play lottery).

Also their jewelry makes my mouth water. Currently taking donations to help fund my next purchase. This badass turquoise rose ring.

Bad School Mom IV: Relapse

2010-08-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

It seemed like such a good idea to take the kids to Costco last night. We got them a Wii (which we had been promising for quite some time now - since the PS2 broke). Everyone was in such a great mood that we decided to go to Ingredient for dinner.
What a lovely evening. We sat outside. They have a dreamy fountain and shaded yard for the children to run around in. Creighton and I talked for a good hour and a half. We rolled up to our house around 9pm.

Realization hit:
1. Canon still had homework
2. Backpacks still needed cleaned out
3. Lunches still needed to be made
4. Clothes still needed to be picked out

Aww, no big deal I thought. I will help Canon with homework real quick, then we will just do everything else in the morning.

This morning, the bliss of the previous night wore off, as I struggled to wake the kids. Cosmo never did wake up by the time I left the house at 8:15!
Canon got up, got in the bath, and spent 15 minutes explaining why he was just not going to make it to school today. He fussed about eating daddy's bacon-eggs, about being forced to take his lunch, and about his footwear.
Whitby had a horrible attitude! She reminded me of the time I planted my foot in the middle of a fire-ant bed. She refused to get in the bath, refused to wash her hair, refused to get out of the bath, refused to comb her hair. She spent 15 minutes arguing with me about her poor clothing options, refused to put her clothes on, refused to wear socks, refused to wear sneakers, refused to eat breakfast, refused to get down from the table. She literally growled at me like a wild animal at one point. That girl really gave it to me this morning. How can something so cute be so scary?

Trying to salvage the morning, we surprisingly still had time for Namaste and family prayer. But Whitby refused to join in the exercises and refused to sit in the prayer circle. Unable to focus my heart in an attitude of prayer, I announced, "Daddy is going to say our prayer this morning!"

...Something about kindness, something about peace, something about God.... I literally have no memory of that prayer. I can only hope that in some way it was worth it just to make the effort.

Needless to say, I am thankful that each day is a new day and that my kids are so resilient and forgiving. Even more thankful that God gives me the grace and strength to try again tomorrow.

Lamentations 3:22-24, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassion never fails. His mercies are new every morning; great is his faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him’.”

Pray for campus ministry!

2010-08-23T19:45:00.000-07:00

Join us for 40 days of prayer for campus ministry at pray40.com.

Sign up to receive a daily (3x) text message with prayers from campus pastors, university students, and other church leaders.

Text "pray40" to 41411.

Meal menu??

2010-08-22T19:18:00.000-07:00

"Planning out your meals every week is a good way to keep track of the time and money you spend on food."

Great.

Not only am I embarking on a schedule reformation for my family. Now I also am encouraged by the experts to work on a menu.

Don't get me wrong, it makes perfect sense. But how does one go about planning out a menu for the family every week. I can honestly say that I have NEVER done this. My sister (the organized one) has done it for years. Dana - care to weigh in on this???

I have looked up a couple of menu planning forms on the web. But friends, I literally don't cook. I feed my family finger food, fruits and veggies + easy stuff. I'd say we eat pretty healthy (although after watching the Food Inc. Documentary I know I need a lot of reformation in the nutrition area as well - - more on that later). But I definitely "wing it" for dinner almost every night.

All I can picture is a hospital scenario where everyone knows that Tuesday night is salsbury steak and box mashed potatoes and brown gravy, a roll and a side of canned peaches.

So help. What does it look like to plan out meals on a weekly basis for the family?

Bad School Mom III: One week down, 32 to go!

2010-08-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

It was a great week - - ok, HALF A WEEK. My reformation seems to be going well so far... I got up early each morning. I stuck to my schedule. We got everything done in the mornings: bathe, brush teeth, get dressed (with clothes we picked out the night before), eat a healthy breakfast, Namaste' (breathing/stretching/moving our bodies), prayer time, and most importantly, an on-time arrival time to school.

I had an AHA moment when reflecting on my new found routine. I realized that having a schedule actually FREES me to do the things I aspire to do.

Huh? Wha? Come-again?

I have always been a free-spirit.

I will now confess my former attitude toward scheduling:

1. Scheduling is for OCD, A.R. people.
2. Scheduling is bondage. It ties me down to something. If I write it down, I am committed to it.
3. I'm not any good at it.

What I realized is that, while I may have a propensity toward being a non-committal free-spirit, having a schedule does not tie me down. Conversely, it actually creates the space I need to accomplish my goals.

I never have looked at scheduling like this before. I can not express the joy I feel when I drop my kids off after a relaxed, non-rushed, enjoyable morning.

I hesitate to mention how great this half-week has been because I don't want to jinx the success I have felt, sticking with the schedule. But I wanted to share with you because this truly is a victory for me!

So BRING IT ON, you other 280 days of school!

Is it possible to become an early riser?

2010-08-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

I am a night owl.

My husband is a night owl.

We operate as if we are still in college.

Each night we stay up until after midnight. We get the kids in bed by 8:30 or 9, then we stay up. Either we are doing housework: cleaning, organizing, doing laundry, paying bills... Or we are working on work stuff: emailing, scheduling, planning... Or we are engaging in miscellaneous activities: blogging, reading, surfing, catching up on the week's TV shows, chatting, or hotsex :).

In my recent efforts to be a better school mom, I made it a goal to wake up early - before my kids. I want to get a leg up on my day. I want to be showered and ready to go before they get up. I want to spend time in prayer and in scripture. I want to have the morning chores out of the way so that I can focus on the children.

One blogger I follow (ZenHabits), gave some great practical suggestions on the merits of early-rising. I'd like to share them with you:

10 Benifits Of Rising Early And How To Do It

My plan is to rise at 6:30am. NEVER BEFORE HAVE I DONE THIS. So we will see how it goes. I have a morning routine printed out. By the end of the week, I will post this morning schedule and my hope is to be able to share with you how the mornings went.

Bad School Mom: Quest for Reformation

2010-08-16T20:21:00.000-07:00

So tonight was "Back to school night". I feel like such a wall-flower. I'm so awkward. I wonder how many other moms are feeling the same way. Anyhoo, since it's not about me... I had a great experience walking my kids through their orientation.

I went up to the school solo, so I could get a lay of the land (classes, teachers, classmates, school supplies, etc.). Then I went and picked up the kids and escorted them to their classes to meet their teachers.

Thanks to all of you who are cheering me on toward bringing my A-game to the school mom situation! I have appreciated your prayers and your counsel.

My friend Lara gave me a few great pointers and tonight I have implemented a couple of them: I set all the kids clothes out, and even made their lunches for the morning. I have my alarm set to get up before they do tomorrow morning (we'll see how that goes).

I took Laura Steele's recommendation on the book "Managers of their homes". It has helped me get an handle on our daily and weekly schedules. I will hopefully have a meal plan and a chore schedule as well!

Lori Cousino (4th grade teacher in Dallas) suggested I talk to the teachers about my desire to do better this year to stay connected to them and to the class. So tonight I told both teachers that I had some difficulty last year keeping in touch and really desire for this year to stay connected.

I have been inspired by Ashley (our live-in nanny and so much more than that) to rise above mediocre and be excellent in the these family matters.

I got a calendar so that each week, Creighton, Ashley and I can be on the same page with our schedule. I have drafted a schedule for each morning of the week, and each afternoon and evening. I have bought an adorable little family organization notebook that contains pertinent info an numbers and lists. Once I finalize the morning and evening routine, I will post it in my kitchen folio, so that we can all yield to it.

Will this all work out?? I have no idea. I am notorious for starting out strong and then getting complacent or distracted - - and falling off the wagon.

But I am determined to create a relaxing and healthy environment for my children's childhood. So I would appreciate your continued prayers for me in my SCHOOL-MOM-REFORMATION!!

Here I raise my Ebenezer

2010-08-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

We sang "Come Thou Fount" in worship a few weeks ago. In honor of this day, I wore a necklace that was handmade by my friend and hero Shannon Mills.

A few years ago, Shannon sent me this little beauty. She sent it during a season of struggle and frustration in my life. I love it. I love it because she made it. I love it because she found it and thought of me. I love it because she made a similar one for herself.

A written note in the package said:

Nik, I made an Ebenezer stone for us. Read the story of Samuel and and his Ebenezer stone. When you wear it, be reminded that God is our help - remember his faithfulness.

Today I wore it again and have received lots of comments about its uniqueness, its earthiness, its weight... And I have loved sharing the story of Shannon and the story of Samuel. Each time, I am reminded that God is my Help - I remember his faithfulness.

Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood. —Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

"Samuel took a large stone and placed it between the towns of Mizpah and Jeshanah. He named it Ebenezer—"the stone of help"—for he said, "Up to this point the Lord has helped us!" —1 Samuel 7:12, NLT

Said goodbye to an old friend today.

2010-08-03T21:14:00.001-07:00

This knife and I have been through it all together. Literally, every head of lettuce, every tomato, potato, watermelon, apple, lime, carrot, celery, cantaloupe, pepper....

Today, it broke while Creighton was cutting some romaine.

I held you in my hand almost every day. You're so sharp and strong. You have been there for me every time I have reached out to you for help. I will miss you friend. How can I ever replace you?

Hopefully you will have some fun in your next life. May you find all the milk cartons, coke cans, diapers, and rotton veggies... May you slice and dice to your hearts content.

Obsession de jour: Antoine Dodson

2010-08-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

My friend Brandon (Lyrist's locution) first introduced me to "Auto-Tune the News. They skillfully yet cheesily set news stories to rap songs. None of their stuff has blown me away. UNTIL NOW! This one is share-worthy.

To really appreciate the news song, click here to watch the actual news story.

Bad school mom

2010-07-29T13:20:00.001-07:00

I thought I was a pretty good pre-school mom. Bring .50 cents on Friday for the field trip. Dont forget their car set and send them in closed toed shoes. Got it.
There are two parties during the semester, send $10 for each. Got it.
Get here late or skip a few days here and there - no problem. You're paying for it anyway.

Elementary is a whole new skillet.

Last year my Oldest started Grade 2 and my middle started Kindergarten. I literally felt like I was behind, surprised, unprepared, and under-informed the whole year (mostly my own fault). I didn't take it seriously. Barely got my kids vaccinated in time. I didn't help with parties (outside of sending money). I didn't join PTA. I didn't position for "room mom" or "assistant room mom" or even ever find out who those people were. I was scarcely involved.

If you ever want to feel better about yourself as an elementary school mother, just come talk to me.

Flash forward: School starts in two weeks.

Canon will be in 3rd and Whitby will be in 1st. Cosmo - one more year of blissful pre-school.

I talked to my friend Laura [Blog: Is there any wine left] last night about getting a schedule in the mornings and preparing for things to come. She gave me some GREAT ADVICE.

1. Get up before they do.

I definitely am guilty of sleeping until the first child wakes up. They have been my alarm clock for 8 years now. I still stay up till midnight or later every night. How can I be expected to rise before 7:30am? Now I am going to have to find the alarm setting on my phone? This will be a huge adjustment.

2. Lay their clothes out by their bed so they can dress themselves.

This one will help me tremendously because half of my time in the morning is spent moving from the laundry room the the clean laundry baskets in my room to the drawers in the kids room. I am THE ONLY person who knows where the clean-wearable-clothes are. So, no problem... I can do this scurrying at night rather than in the morning. ((I am aware of the red flag that just went off in your mind about my organization skills, but I can only deal with one short-coming at a time)).

3. Check their backpack right after school everyday so that you are not surprised in the morning.

Great. Three strikes. How many times did I go through my kids backpacks last year? None times. Well, maybe one or two max. This will be a huge routine change in our afternoons. It's a welcome change. I already talked to Ashley (our nanny) about what the after-school routine will look like this year. Hopefully she and I together can get the afternoons on the right track.

Here's the bottom line.
First, I don't want to embarrass my kids. Anytime I drop them off late they are exasperated with me as they get out of the van. I'm not the one that has to get a tardy slip from the secretary and walk into the classroom late. This ought not happen!

Second, I don't want my kids to go through their childhood being rushed in the mornings. I want them to enjoy the mornings and start the days off well. Well nourished (which they do because Creighton always gets up and feed them a healthy breakfast), and well prepared (which they will be after getting their after-school routine going).

I don't want to get crazy here but during the pre-school years, I was regular with morning yoga and prayer. We did 10 minutes of yoga together in a circle and then ended with a prayer, and we bowed to one another saying, "God bless you".

Heck, why not add that back in! You know I am going to rock these other three!

Pregnant with possibility

2010-07-18T22:46:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamed I was pregnant. In my dream I was rubbing my belly while talking to a friend (the friend is not significant, just an extra in the dream cast). I watched myself stand there swaying and smiling, chatting and rubbing. I felt contentment and anticipation.

I have been praying about the meaning of this. I know there is no actual fetus in my womb, the dream is metaphorical.

What's interesting is that there are many unknowns in the life of the Alexanders right now. Recently, (during wake-time anyway) I have felt more doubt and angst than contentment and anticipation.

My fretting is most often about money:

1) House is for sale and not selling
2) Creighton launching his coaching biz

So maybe the dream is a wave of comfort - a gift from God of things to come.

Welcome to my blog, where we could do it your way - - but don't get crazy

2010-07-16T22:37:00.000-07:00

Decided to rabbit trail down a new blog design "template". Went with grunge slash artsy black and white.
What do you think?

I had this photo of one of my paintings up for a long time.

But was feeling like a change.
It might be a little much. I will live with it for a while and see how it feels.

The newest member of our family

2010-07-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

To make a long story short:

We started with Apollo and Starbuck. Two awesome standard poodle litter-mates who made our lives richer from day one. (aside: names come from Battlestar Galactica our sci-fi obsession at the time).
In a tragic run-in with a volkswagon rabbit - Starbuck lost his life chasing a heartless bunny across the road. The irony.
In mourning, we waited to get another dog for Apollo. Yet we still hold to the axiom that everyone needs a friend. Finally, the opportunity arose to acquire a young spunky golden-doodle puppy from her previously overwhelmed family. We named her Athena (also from BSG), and she and Apollo are get along just fine.

This pup is so cute and funny and social. One look at her and you're hooked. Problem is, she is not potty trained yet - even at 7 months. It's pretty high maintenance. Last night Creighton stepped in a puddle of pee by our bed.

Hopefully she will get it together soon before Creighton either gives her away or worse - - m u r d e r.

So here's my plan. Tell me if I'm crazy.

Athena is a registered, breedable female. Next summer, I'm thinking about having her bred, so that we can have a litter of puppies. We would teach the children about owning a business and coach them in caring for animals. Profits would go to their college fund. I think it would be such a good learning experience for them. And how fun to have a bunch of little fur-balls running around.

What do you think?

Remembrance

2010-06-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

Every year on June 21, my sister, brother and I text or call each other and say, "Happy Pammy Day". This is a strange statement because it is actually the anniversary of my mom's death. Now 8 years ago. I can't believe it has been 8 years. The pain of loss is still at arms length. Still, something triggers - - it could be anything (pepper, double-mint gum, tweezers....) and in seconds the memories wash over me.

I have a tradition which I described in detail in 2008.

Last year's remembrance was special because I got to be with my sister.

Creighton, the kids and I had a busy day so we didn't get to Cheesecake Factory until about 9pm. The kids did great - I was so thankful that they kept it together for the Pamela tradition.
They had great attitudes and they humored me while I told them the story of Gammy and how she loved them and how she loved me and how I so wish they could have known her.

I continue to see adult women having coffee with their mothers, and children having quality time with their grandmothers- and it still brings up envy and grief.
I suppose there will never be a day that I don't miss her.

I'm thinking especially of my brother this year because he has a new baby daughter. He named her Tennessee Jean (Mom's middle name is Jean). I hurt for him because I know the deep sense of loss he is feeling - not being able to share his daughter with mom.

His text this year: "I can't talk to you in person because I will burst into tears..."

Downsizing

2010-05-23T14:03:00.000-07:00

We had this crazy idea. What if we sell our house and downsize into an apartment?
Cons: Less space, less stuff, no yard, no play fort, no culdesac.
Pros: Less space to clean, less stuff to take care of, no yard to mow, no landscaping upkeep, less money spent on housing.

The catalyst for this idea came when Creighton and I were brainstorming about his PhD. He has completed his course work and is now ready to tackle the dissertation.

I heard a statistic on NPR that less than 10% of PhD students actually complete their dissertation.
One of Creighton's mentors cautioned him saying, "The saddest phrase in the English language is 'All But Dissertation'".

Throughout the last 3 years, Creighton has been working full-time as a church pastor while completing coursework for his PhD. While he is a high-capacity student, he has not been able to fully embrace his academic experience. To be able to focus on researching/reading/writing everyday would allow him to truly experience what he is learning.

This schedule has been a challenge for our family. The truth is, we should have this when we first moved to Kansas. As a matter of fact, that is the whole reason we are in Kansas!

Don't get me wrong, I love my house, LOVE IT. But it is... just a possession.

What if we could strategically create space and time for Creighton to focus full-time on this thing? It could take a year (as opposed to 3-4) and we could get it over with!
So that is the goal, the dream.

SAY A PRAYER FOR US!

I don't mean to brag, but...

2010-05-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

But my braiding skills are pretty much awesome.

Introducing Ashley McBride, an amazing woman who:
Lives with us.
Helps shepherd my children.
Has beautiful, silky, straight hair.

She shared with me that every once in a while she braids her hair at night and sleeps on it. By morning, voila - body and waves.
Her typical technique is to weave two french braids - last night I suggested we try three.

"I will help you because, well, I don't mean to brag but, I can weave a tight french braid."

She was game and we chatted while sectioning out her hair into three braids. I brought my A-game. I broke a sweat and my hands almost cramped from the high level of skill these braids were asking for.
Upon completion we were pretty excited that we had just channeled Julia Styles in "Save the Last Dance".

Ashley had a leisurely morning. Went out for breakfast, enjoyed some relaxation with her bestie Liz (shout out!). Little did she know what she was about to unravel.

She texted me this photo with the comment: Umm, I think that I am going to stick with two braids from now on.

Our first stitches

2010-05-02T17:24:00.001-07:00

Recently I posted a story about our first fracture - roughly one month ago: http://ziondreamer.blogspot.com/2010/03/our-first-fracture.html

Well, we have another first. Stitches.

Monday night we were at Canon's first baseball game and Cosmo was standing on the side of my friends car making her baby laugh. Suddenly, my friend and I heard what sounded like a boiled egg cracking. We were standing about 3 feet away at the time. Cosmo started screaming and holding his side.
I picked him up and as I held him I lifted his shirt to search for the wound. Found nothing. I lifted him to ask where it hurts - and as I looked at his face, I saw blood running down his head.

I froze.

A little side note about me. I am a quick-on-my-feet-problem-solver (when it comes to work or to other people). But in this situation I couldn't even think. I'm realizing that this is a pattern. I freeze when it comes to personal high stress situations.
I just held him tight and said, Jesus help me, Jesus... (with an "o shit" sprinkled in here and there).

My friend Laura sprung to action. She ran off to get towels and water. And to get my husband who was finishing up post game refreshments with Canon's baseball team.

Creighton came a-running and loaded me and Cos up in the van for what turned out to be a 5 hour emergency room visit. The child got stitched up and all is well. He's such a trooper. Here are the photos.

The taste for blood

2010-04-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

Apollo killed his first bunny this morning.

Before you get to impressed by his prowess. It was a barely born baby that weighed zero and some change. The kids saw it right before school. I didn't hear about it until I drove away for morning school drop-off in the car. "Mom, we saw a mommy bunny bounce away and we saw a baby bunny nest in the back yard."
"Umm, really?" I queried. Because unfortunately I had just released Apollo out to frolic for the 10 minutes it would take me to shuttle the kids to school.

Multiple thoughts swirled in my mind.

My first thought was, "I hope Apollo mames and kills all the bunnies (baby or not) he can find".
REF: http://ziondreamer.blogspot.com/2009/05/smear-campaign.html and
http://ziondreamer.blogspot.com/2009/05/last-night-i-swerved-to-hit-rabbit.html

My second thought: Apollo is not that bright. We always called him "the pretty one", and Starbuck, "the smart one". I tried to assure myself that his only M.O. was to bark at the neighbor or chase tree pollen. I was certain he'd miss the scent of freshly born rabbit meat.

My third thought was, "Wow, I hope Cosmo (the 4 year old) does not witness the gore of a dog ravaging a bunny carcass when we pull up."

AAAANNNNNDDD he definitely did. I will spare you the details. Needless to say, I was 15 minutes late to work because I had to hose the blood and wipe the lusty smile off of his face.

Pose I am working toward

2010-03-31T11:41:00.001-07:00

One thing I love about yoga is the balance poses. Ultimately, I would love to do a full-blown hand stand.
For now, I'm working on the head stand and the variations thereof.
I have the standard headstand down pretty well.
It looks like this:

BTW, this is not me.

This is me:

And this is what I am trying to get to:

Doing the splits while balancing on my elbows. Piece of cake.

New cliches at work

2010-03-26T21:36:00.000-07:00

The first church job I had, I was always astounded at how many cliches I heard. I wondered if this was a vocabulary that people learned in seminary or from the corporate world or simply from watching the movie Office Space.
I kid you not, my supervisor frequently used the phrase, "I'm gonna need you to go ahead and (FILL IN THE BLANK). So if you could go ahead and do that, that would be great. Thanks."

Here I am 10 years later, at mega-church-take-two. Only this experience is rainbows and roses compared to the prior. It is a significantly more healthy atmosphere. However, I am still intrigued by the amount of cliche action I get.

I have started a list of cliches I hear my co-workers (mostly the ones in leadership) throwing around every other hour. Terms like: "We had some misses on that" and "I'm gonna have to push back on that". Another one I enjoy hearing in meetings: "Could the two of you have that conversation OFF-LINE?"

There is a new one that brings a tear to my eye.
"Let's all stack hands on this".

I am going to keep the list going. Care to add to it??

My daughter's photography

2010-03-25T21:52:00.001-07:00

My 6 year old daughter Whitby took all of these photos. I think she has a pretty good eye -- of course, they are all of me. HAHA

Consistency

2010-03-24T19:54:00.000-07:00

It is funny how discipline in one area of life is an influence for other areas.

For the past week, Creighton and I have been working out everyday. We started P90X, a 90 day extreme fitness program www.beachbody.com (Stay tuned for day 1,30,60,90 photos which will be posted on this blog).

For the past few days, I have caught myself making healthier food choices. I have been drinking water way more than usual and have started taking vitamins again. I have chosen green tea over coffee since Sunday. And today I randomly picked up an apple and ate it (something I have probably only done *none* other times in my life).

Consistency from working out to eating more healthy - that's not much of a stretch. But I have also had more discipline with bible study this week - hungry for God's word.

This is a phenomenon I have experienced numerous other times in my life, yet somehow I always forget about it.

I am excited about the upcoming 90 days. Not only because of the rockin'bod I will have on June 15th, but because of the growth I expect to experience emotionally and spiritually.

Lord, I pray for a renewed commitment to you. Help me prioritize health and wholeness. I give you my body, my mind and my heart. Help me be faithful with the time you have given me.

Texas Independence Day: The Video Recap!

2010-03-13T20:11:00.000-08:00

Doctors, hospitals, medicine and sick people

2010-03-03T15:49:00.000-08:00

Recently I have done some self-evaluation because my son Canon (age 8) broke his foot and I did not take him to the doctor till 2 1/2 days later.

In the rear-view mirror, I see that my under-reaction is a consistent pattern. I'm fairly certain that at some point in my life, I picked up an issue with doctors, hospitals, medicine and sick people.

Could it have something to do with my dad, the rancher who 1. refuses to retain health insurance because it is a big-business racket, 2. treats the skin cancer on his leather ears with some kind of equine concoction, 3. sews his own stitches, and 4. used to pour "monkey blood" (what is that stuff anyway) on our wounds and say, "Now get your gloves back on and get back out there".

Perhaps.

Does it have anything to do with my experience in grad school as a hospital chaplain for the summer where 1. I felt fear and anxiety every time I entered a patient's room, 2. saw every kind of freak-nasty ailment a person could have, 3. became a germ-a-phobe, 4. came home everyday with irrational fears like catching spine-cancer or diabetes.

Possibly.

Or how about the more recent onset that 1. My kids seem to have no tolerance for pain, 2. ER visits are the most exasperating wastes of precious money and time imaginable, 3. sick people still come to work and school and church when they're admittedly and visibly sick, 4. my family seems to pick up every bug and sniffle that comes along.

Probably.

It drives me crazy every time my kids ask me for a band-aid. All compassion drains from my body when my husband gets sick. I disregard the effect that cold medicine or pain reliever might have - it doesn't even cross my mind until my husband inquires, "Um, have you taken anything for that??"

On one hand, this is the way I am. I don't think I am alone in this. And to some extent I think it's wise and level-headed to NOT FREAK OUT WHEN SOMEONE GETS A HANGNAIL.
On the other hand, I think there is a balance. My reaction time could use a little work. For example, let's say, YOUR SON BREAKS 3 BONES IN HIS FOOT AND YOU DON'T TAKE HIM TO THE DOCTOR FOR 2 DAYS.

So what is that balance?

Our first fracture

2010-03-02T09:48:00.000-08:00

Canon fractured three metatarsal bones in his foot Saturday.

He and his friend were laughing and chasing each other around in the living room. I distinctly remember saying, "kids, y'all chill out because....", and right before I could finish the sentence, Canon's friend grabbed his right foot. His body came crashing down onto his left foot, breaking the tree middle bones just behind his toes.

The child screamed and cried for about an hour. I had little compassion in the situation. He has a flair for the dramatic, and I have a "get up and get back out there" attitude when it comes to injuries and pain.

I told him he was ok. We iced it, and I sent him upstairs to lay down and rest. Told him to take it easy the rest of the evening (he dutifully played star wars legos on PS2 till bedtime).

I realized it may be a sprain of some sort when he woke up Sunday morning and it was swollen like a puffer fish. I continued to ice it and encourage him to rest. But still had no intention to take him to the doctor.

Finally on Monday, Creighton urged me to take him to get an x-ray. I straight told him that was unnecessary. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: "It is a sprain, he will be fine in a couple of days"
Him: "You don't know that, it could be broken"
Me: "I bet you TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS that we are going to get there and the Doc is going to charge us $120 and send us home with some advil"
Him: "This is your son, Nikki. You need to get it checked out."
Me: "Creighton, he is going to be fine, he just needs to lay off of it for a couple of days"
Him:"Nikki, you are not a doctor, and you are going to feel terrible if it is broken"
Me: "SSSIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHH, Ok, I will take him"

You can imagine the humility with which I made the phonecall to inform Creighton of the news.

Him: "hello?"
Me: "hi"
Him: "Well..."
Me: You were right. I was wrong. It's broken. I'm sorry.
Him: "Aagh, that's ok. I'm just excited that I get to think of ways for you to work off that ten thousand dollars!

My friend hearts cats.

2010-03-02T09:39:00.000-08:00

Texas!

2010-02-22T19:24:00.000-08:00

This Friday night is the Annual Texas Independence Day Party at Casa de Alexander. March 2nd is Texas Independence Day. Ever since we moved to Kansas, we have needed a reason to remember and celebrate the mother-land.
So the TX party is a fun way to bring people (TXan and non-TXan alike) together for some Shiner beer, some Tex-Mex food, and this year.... A Mariachi Band.

I can't wait!
I got a local restaurant to donate chips/salsa/queso to the party. And we are putting together a stellar music playlist of distinctly Texan artists.

Should be GREAT fun!

Truth about the Tooth Fairy

2010-02-16T21:01:00.000-08:00

Creighton and I have chosen to tell our children the truth about Santa and the Tooth Fairy.
We have always said that they are cultural traditions that Americans enjoy celebrating. Until recently, they have simply said, "oh, ok."

Tonight, Whitby had three teeth she needed to sell to the Tooth Fairy (yes, I said three - we're a little behind).

As she was drifting off to sleep, she asked, "So Mom, how do the quarters get under my pillow?". I told her that they magically appear while she is sleeping. Not good enough for her. She pressed harder, "Mom, are you the tooth fairy?" "Yes", I confessed. She exclaimed, "YOU ARE??, Even for all the children in Mexico?!"

I then explained how for all the children in America and all around the world, the mommy is most always the Tooth Fairy. We sat there in silence as she pondered.

"Well", she said, "I still don't know how you magically get quarters under my pillow..."

Obsession de jour: Caprica

2010-02-08T15:32:00.000-08:00

If you loved BSG (Battlestar Galactica), then you will love Caprica - the new series on Sci Fi. Caprica takes us back to the beginning of how Cylons were created. It's riveting.

REFRESH 09!

2009-12-13T23:54:00.000-08:00

Refresh is finally here! I am so excited for tomorrow. Rudy Rasmus, Sally Morgenthaler, Mike Gaffney, Jim Griffith and Billy Abraham will be with us this week.

Please pray for the 155 campus ministry leaders who have carved out time to attend this event.

Ginko Love

2009-11-02T11:33:00.000-08:00

Ever since we met our first ginko in Kentucky, we have loved this spectacular tree. There are three ginkos by Creighton's church. Sunday afternoon, we went for a walk (and to play in the leaves). We shot these fun photos.

Obsession de jour: Glee

2009-10-10T21:11:00.000-07:00

Who has time for a new show in their life??

You do!
Glee is delectable. When my friends Alex and Rob (both men, both straight) told me about it, I thought, "Are you kidding?" Even if I was desperate to add a new show to my viewing repertoire, there is no way it would be a show about high school glee club. Well, I checked it out and I was hooked before I could text the words, "Don't stop believeing" to Rob and Alex.

40 days of prayer for campus ministry

2009-09-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite ones- written by Bishop Scott Jones:
collegeunion.org

Day Nineteen (September 4th)
September 4th, 2009

Oh, God, you have given us a vision. Like the man of Macedonia asking Paul for help, we see a generation of young persons asking
if you exist,
if there is meaning in life,
if there is a church where worship is passionate,
if people care for the poor,
if there are safe spaces for deep conversations,
if community can still be created,
if racism and sexism can be overcome
if the Bible is your word
if a moral life is still possible
if . . .

You have also given us a vision of a church
that needs new life
that needs a new generation of leaders
that is growing
that has younger people
that has more people
that has more diverse people.

I thank you for campus ministers, student leaders, board members and supporters who pray, who give their money, who give their time and who yearn for the ministries that lead a spiritually hungry generation to become the passionate, gifted leaders of your church. Give us the wisdom we need to do our work well. Most importantly, help us be part of what you are blessing. In the powerful name of Jesus Christ we pray, Amen.

Author Bio:
Bishop Scott Jones has served as the bishop of the Kansas Area of the United Methodist Church since 2004. Prior to this, he served as the pastor of 3 different churches in Texas and taught on the faculty of Perkins School of Theology. From 1997 to 2004, he served on the board of directors of the SMU Wesley Foundation, being vice chairperson for the last five years of that term. His most recent books are Staying at the Table: The Gift of Unity for United Methodists (2008), United Methodist Doctrine: The Extreme Center (2002) and The Evangelistic Love of God and Neighbor: A Theology of Discipleship and Witness (2003). Scott is married to Mary Lou Reece, who is president of Reece Construction Company. They have three children.

Meta-blogging

2009-09-01T13:31:00.000-07:00

Do you ever blog about blogging or blog about not blogging?

I talked to one of my friends the other day about this. She blogged about how she hadn't been blogging and I thought of the many times I have seen this phenomenon. We begin to feel pressure to write something insightful or witty or comment-worthy. We stress when we haven't blogged in a few days or weeks. Then we log on and start blogging about our non-blogging. We've all done it at one point or another.

Since I am first and foremost an expert blogger, I encouraged my friend with these simple rules to blog by.
1. Release yourself from the pressure of blowing our minds every time you sit down to write.
2. Release yourself from the expectation that you won't be ligit if you don't post everyday.
3. Get back in the swing of things by posting a photo or something funny that happened at Petsmart. Jot down a musing or a song lyric that is meaningful. Chances are, it will be meaningful to us too.

This is a window into your life. It is a way for us to connect with you. You don't need to wow us every time you sit down at your computer. Just tell me a little somethin.

To quote Facebook: What's on your mind? Share.

PS: That reminds me of a song.
http://tinyurl.com/lfte39

What does a Producer do?

2009-08-30T23:48:00.000-07:00

I'm a Producer for a large church in Leawood KS.

What does that actually mean?
Seriously, I think I know what it means, but I may have a different definition for the word "producer" than others.

If I was a producer at your church, what would I be doing?

Obsession de jour: Sharon Irving

2009-08-26T12:13:00.001-07:00

40 days of prayer for campus ministry

2009-08-20T14:09:00.001-07:00

Day Four (August 20th)
August 20th, 2009

Jesus

We know students are thirsty for a relationship with You. Like the woman at the well in John 4, many young adults have never found the “living water” that You offer freely and without condemnation. Come Holy Spirit-quench their thirst to know the one, true living God.

Each time they gather for worship-meet them in their fellowship, the music, the spoken Word, and their prayers. Let Your Spirit of grace and freedom fall as two or more gather in Your name. Raise up a new generation of psalmists who sing of Your faithfulness. Inspire artists to enflesh the Gospel in every medium imaginable. As they seek Your face, let all Your goodness pass before them. For it is in worship that we discover that Jesus quenches our thirst to know God.

Each time a small group or Bible study meets-fill that space with grace, wisdom, and hope. Tie their hearts together with Yours. Let the Word be taught with clarity, authority, and truth. Help them find the support, encouragement, and the accountability they need to live out their faith in their college years and beyond. For it is in small groups that we discover that Jesus quenches our thirst to follow God.

Each time they serve their neighbor-whether it is across the city or around the globe-lead them by Your mercy. Empower them to live out the Gospel to the least, the lost, and the last. Build up their faith and the faith of those they go to serve in Your name. Allow their hearts to become impassioned for Your people throughout the earth. For it is in reaching out that we discover that Jesus quenches our thirst to serve God.

Each time Your people gather, speak to each student’s heart about who they are. Allow them to catch a glimpse of what they were created for. Help them see where their gifts and passions meet the world’s needs. Give them a vision for their life that takes a lifetime to accomplish. Call them to serve your Kingdom in their homes, in the workplace, and the public square. For it is in leading that we discover that Jesus quenches our thirst to serve others.

Our pray is that our campus ministries will be springs of living water in dry and weary lands-bubbling up and overflowing to quench the thirst of this generation of college students.

In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

Author Bio:
Nikki Alexander is the coordinator for Refresh Campus Ministry Conference - http://collegeunion.org/ refresh. Nikki works at The United Methodist Church of the Resurrection in Leawood KS as the Event Producer in the Technical Arts Group.

Chronic(what)cles of Kindergarten

2009-08-17T19:55:00.000-07:00

Whitby Alexander started Kindergarten today. I wonder if, in the minds of every mom out there - is this a sign of my baby girl growing up or a sign of me getting old? Seriously, I have felt very weathered lately. The fact that I still have a 3 year old helps a little with the yikes factor of aging.

Can I get a witness?

Outing with the kids for my birthday

2009-07-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

Another birthday already?

Well, with dad out of town me and the monkeys made the most of our day. We started off with breakfast and quick playtime at Chick-fil-A. Then headed over to Deanna Rose Childrens Farmstead. Deanna Rose is a magical place (free!) where children can experience life on the farm. There are horses and chickens and goats - Oh My!
For a quarter you get a handful of feed and the goats with love you for it.

We had a fab time for about 3 hours. Went home and took a much-needed family nap.

Then around 3 we left to go pick up Creighton at the airport. Took him to dinner and the waitstaff at On The Border sang me a birthday song. Hey, free dessert...

Home by 8. Watched some Comedy Central. Good times.

A special message for Jason Watson

2009-07-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

Hairless is hot.

National Worship Leader Conference

2009-07-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

What a privilege it is for Resurrection to host the NWLC 09!
To follow updates on twitter - use the hashtag #nwlc09.

Cow Appreciation Day

2009-07-10T12:41:00.000-07:00

Chick-Fil-A hosted a "dress like me, get free chicken" day.
We walked in and the kids said, "Moo!" as I asked the manager, "Did we put in enough effort?"

The kids enjoyed a free breakfast and playtime this morning.

Favorite spot in my house

2009-07-09T21:26:00.000-07:00

Over the past 8 months, I have fallen more and more in love with my house. Even though it was built only 20 years ago, it has an old soul. I love to sit and surf and sip coffee at the table while I oversee backyard playtime.
There are new discoveries all the time as well.
In April, I looked out the window everyday to see blooms emerge on my wisteria vine.
And, I discovered I have a peony and a cluster of white daisies (white daisies are the signature flower of all the women in my family).

Life seems so busy most of the time. Remember to sit and discover and be thankful.

Saint Pamela's Feast Day

2009-07-02T09:45:00.001-07:00

Last summer, I shared In Memorarium, about our memory tradition remembering the life of my mom - Pamela.
Since the 21st of June was Fathers day, the kids and I spent the weekend with my dad. Knowing that my sister was going to come visit us in Kansas, I waited with the intention of sharing the Cheescake Factory tradition with her. I took off work Tuesday and Dana and I drove down to the Plaza to window shop and enjoy uninterrupted time - just the two of us. We walked over to CF for lunch.
It was a delightful time of memory sharing with a few tears.

We ordered Mom a cosmo and gave thanks to God for the time we did have with her, for the privilege of knowing such an extraordinary person.
Here's to you mom- we still miss you desperately.

Nothing says, "I'm a Texan" like....

2009-06-29T14:02:00.000-07:00

Proclaiming it on the back of your trailer.

This photo was taken on our 36 hour road trip to Lubbock for Creighton's high school reunion.

Thinker/Feeler

2009-06-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting comment thread on my facebook wall. The Myers-Briggs personality inventory was kicked around a bit. We talked about the differences between Thinker and Feeler.
MBTI says that this is how people make decisions: Either as a thinker: logical, rational and based on what is believed to be "right", or as a feeler: subjective, emotional and based on how one feels about the situation.

I am a major FEELER.
Situational Ethics probably to a fault.
I don't give up on people.
Empathy and compassion rule.
I trust my gut and care about how actions affect the hearts of others.

I really appreciate my husband, a THINKER, who reminds me that our God set the law into place for a reason. He reminds me of the value of being realistic, objective and practical.

Was Jesus a thinker or a feeler?

New idea for Production Staff photos

2009-06-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

Is this cheesy?
I like the idea of the video monitor since we are the technical arts group. It may be on the verge of cheese but I think we're going to go with this - or something similar. Your thought?

Reflections on Father's Day weekend with dad

2009-06-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

As I reflect on my time at the ranch, I have tried to put my finger on what is going on in my heart while I am there.
The picture I have is Me looking down at a version of me - or maybe it's the other way around - a version of me looking down at the real Me. I don't know which.

Being there should be relaxing and restful. The beauty and purity of being out in the country does calm my soul. The wide-open space, the delightful smells that waft through the clean air, the gorgeous view.... I love the thought of it.

However, it seems that when I am with my dad, his opinion of me takes over, and I move around with angst. I fear disappointing him - particularly when it comes to my kids.
He and his wife didn't have kids together. He was not around us much growing up either, so they have very little experience with small children. They do however, have lots of opinions about how children should behave. If my kids delay in obeying or make a bad choice, I freak out because of what they might think of me. I kept praying when I was there that God would help me release myself from anyone's opinion but my heavenly Father's. I want to be excellent - to give my whole self to God and not be affected by the opinions of man (not just any man - - my dad).

I feel like I turn into an ugly, impatient witch-mom when I am there. I had to apologize to my kids on the car ride home. Told them I wasn't very patient and gentle with them while we were there. Of course, they were like, "its ok mom."

They are always extravagant with grace and forgiveness.

When the kids were younger (little bitty), I simply felt clumsy and awkward. But now I often feel inadequate. I go through seasons of success and balance with the kids where I feel like I am shepherding them well. And then out of the blue - I'm out of control with no balance. Herding cats. Deaf cats. Cats with no common sense.

I could go on and on.

I'm not flogging myself about it. Just want to articulate these reflections so that I can continue to build awareness of certain tendencies. I just hate it when my flesh rears its nasty head. What's so good though - is that it reminds me of my need for God's transforming love, grace and power.

My Wisteria!

2009-06-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

So happy to discover I have a wisteria vine in my back yard.
I have had a love affair with wisteria since I first moved to Dallas in 98.
Here is a smidge of God's beauty - right outside my upstairs window.

Getting over myself

2009-06-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

In march, I wrote a post titled, "Those People". These 2.5 months I had all but demonized the neighbor who we unaffectionately named, "deputy-no-bark".
Today when I got home, my children we over at his house, playing perfectly nice with his children. I was forced to make a decision. Do I watch out my back window, waiting for my kids to come back? Or, do I grow a pair and go over to their house and introduce myself.
You'll be proud to know that I watched from my back window. Just kidding. I swallowed my judgemental-self-ness and walked over there.
Not only was deputy no-bark friendly, he invited me into their home to show me around! His wife and I chatted about church and I invited her to Church of the Resurrection and we all had a jolly old time.

Glad to say that we're no longer "Those People".

My friend likes to kill chipmunks

2009-06-10T08:44:00.000-07:00

I shared my loathe for bunnies with my friend Twila (whose name has been changed to protect the fact that she is a ruthless killer).
She shared with me the pre-meditated fashion in which she traps and kills the pesky chipmunks around her yard.
After calling pest control and getting nowhere on her chipmunk problem. She decided to google up herself another option.

Twila's recipe for a dead chipmunk:

Ingredients: 5 gallon bucket. A long 2x4. Sunflower seeds.

Fill the bucket with water (about half full so the chipmunk won't know what you up to).
Lean the 2x4 on the edge of the bucket. This gives the chipmunk easy access to the top. Drizzle the sunflower seeds all the way up the board and atop the water in the bucket. Creating a layer of floating sunflower seeds makes the sucker-chipmunk think he will be able to stand on it.

The chipmunk will blissfully enjoy your sunflower seed gift. He will get caught up in the moment. You can imagine his surprise when he plunks into the watery grave you have prepared for him!

Incidentally, chipmunks are terrible swimmers. "They drown instantly", remarks Twila, "unlike mice who can swim for hours."

2009-06-07T17:02:00.000-07:00

I cut me some bangs this morning.

Woke up with Whitby's voice ringing in my ears, "Mommy, you have stripes on your forehead".
So I went to the desk and pulled out a pair of scissors. Cover the stripes, I will.
No big deal, they are only evident when my hair is straight.

Important Reminder

2009-05-17T20:09:00.000-07:00

I want to remind everyone of the importance and awesomeness of corn skewers.
We grilled corn the other day and as if it wasn't amazing enough... we busted out the corn skewers and my children just WENT TO TOWN!
These things are amazing.
I own the vintage set I inherited from my mom. But, I saw some at Hyvee in the "seasonal" aisle.

Creighton's Corn on the Cob recipe:

Foil.
Olive Oil.
Salt (we use Kosher).

Fill the base of a pyrex (or container of your choice) with olive oil and LOTS of Kosher salt. Spin each cob in the oil/salt mixture and then wrap it in foil. Toss it in the grill and OH MY...prepare for transcendence.

Ignatius: Ultimate Youth Pastor

2009-05-11T08:25:00.001-07:00

Renaming my blogroll

2009-05-09T04:24:00.001-07:00

My friend Shannon pointed out that now with my new disdain for bunnies, I might want to consider changing the name of my blogroll formerly known as "trails I chase rabbits down".
For now, it will be simply called "blogroll".

Please submit your suggestions.
Here is what I am looking for:

1. Something that suggests intentionality and determination, and at the same time, open-ended spontaneity.
2. Something tangential (not unlike rabbit trailing) because it is descriptive of my blogging habits, ie. no rhyme or reason - one blog leads me to another and that one to another, and so on.
3. Something that is active, and fun to do.

GO!

Dog Funeral

2009-05-06T10:02:00.000-07:00

This is the liturgy we used during Starbucks funeral. It was very meaningful. Copy/paste it somewhere because you'll never know when you might need it!!

0 God, you created all that is, and you love all that you have made:
we come to you this day in grief and with thanksgiving. We grieve the death of our beloved Starbuck, who has been our companion on the way, and we thank you for the gift of his presence among us as an effective sign of the richness of your creation and of the generosity of your love; through Jesus Christ our Savior, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

Most merciful God, comfort us in our grief. Surround us with your love, that we may not be overwhelmed by our loss, but have confidence in your goodness; through Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen.

One or more of the following or other appropriate passages from Holy Scripture may be read. A reading from non-biblical Christian literature may follow the biblical Reading(s).

Genesis 1:1-3; 19-25(26-31) (God creates all living creatures)

Genesis 2:18-20a(20b-25) (Adam names the animals)

After the Reading(s), the Officiant or other person appointed may give a brief homily. After or in place of the homily, those who are in attendance may be invited to speak words of remembrance or consolation.

The following form of the Prayers of the People may be used, or other appropriate prayers may be said.

In peace, let us pray to God.

0 God our Maker, from the beginning you have permitted us, the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve, to name our brother and sister creatures of earth, sea, and sky: We commend Starbuck to the arms of your everlasting love. Amen.
As our Savior Christ has taught us, we now pray,

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. Save us from the time of trial, and deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and for ever. Amen.

Minister and People

0 God of compassion, have mercy upon us; forgive us for our mistreatment and neglect of the creatures with whom we share this garden earth, for what we have done to harm them, and for what we have left undone to help them; we are truly sorry and fully repent, and we ask you to fill us with your Spirit, that we may care for one another, and for all your creatures, according to your will and in the fullness of your love; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Most merciful God, we return to you Starbuck, a creature of your own making and your gift into our lives. We praise you for his beauty and strength, for his grace and power; we thank you for his faithful companionship in our joys and sorrows; and we bless you for the time during which you entrusted him into our care. Receive now Starbuck back into the arms of your everlasting love, 0 Giver of life, through whose Son our Savior Jesus Christ all that is lost to death is restored to life, and in whose Name we pray. Amen.

The Officiant concludes with one of the following:

The grace of our Savior Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with us all evermore. Amen. [2 Corinthians 13:14]
_______________________

And with that: I lay to rest my sweet Starbuck

Smear Campaign

2009-05-03T20:18:00.000-07:00

Bunnies are evil, disease infested vermin.
Bunnies are ruthless little murderers disquised in - um - soft, fluffy clothing.
Their pink eyes rage with lust for blood.

All bunnies must die.

Desire for the bunny will lead you down a path toward destruction.
The bunny is the harbinger of death.
Do not fall under their wicked spell.
They will show no mercy.

Never chase the bunny.

Last night I swerved to hit a rabbit.

2009-05-01T11:47:00.001-07:00

But I missed.

He was too fast for me and the mini-van.
I talked myself down, "Wow, Nik, chill out - it's just a rabbit."

I realized at that moment, that I have never really experienced the desire for revenge before. But ever since Saturday when a bunny led my pup to his death, I really want to find an unsuspecting bunny and well, um, kill it.

A little harsh, you say?

Well wouldn't you agree that it's a little harsh to lead a dog straight into the grill of an oncoming car? Yeah. That's what I thought.

Murderous, evil little sirens.

It's not your fault...

2009-04-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

As I was dragging my dog out of the middle of the road, I watched as the girl (who hit Starbuck) and her mom (who had shown up within minutes) as they sobbed and held each other. Through her tears, the girl said, "I'm so sorry". Her mom repeated, "I'm so sorry this happened."

We exchanged numbers before we left the scene.

Creighton and I later relived the play by play of the accident, and we felt compelled to call the girl. Creighton talked to her briefly.
"I just want you to hear it from us, that this is not your fault." We do not blame you in any way."
She thanked him and said that it meant a lot for him to call.

Then we began to dissect the situation and found ourselves both trying to take the blame. We found all the blame we could muster up and beat ourselves with it for about 5 minutes.

Finally, we came to our senses and concluded that it was a tragic, freak accident of timing.

I think people obsess about finding fault. What is it inside of us that yearns for
someone to pin the blame on? Is it comforting? Does anger help take away some of the pain of loss and sadness?

My heart has joined the thousand, for my friend stopped running today. ~Richard Adams, Watership Down

2009-04-25T17:00:00.000-07:00

Our dog Starbuck chased his last bunny this morning at 7:45 am. He took off after it (while out for a quick morning pee), and ran straight into the street. In a split second - the car pummeled him. He never knew what hit him. He died instantly.

Sweet Starbuck, Master fetcher, ball dribbler, protector, patient playmate for the kids, brave leader for his brother Apollo. We will miss you terribly.

We had a sweet funeral for Starbuck today.
Creighton led us in a liturgy. Some neighbors joined us. We all took turns giving Starbuck a special gift and bidding him farewell. We buried him in the backyard underneath a Weeping Cherry tree we purchased for the occasion.

The thoughts that keep flooding my heart:
1. I am sooooo thankful it wasn't my kid running after that stupid rabbit.
2. In the blink of an eye, our lives can change forever (or end suddenly).
3. It sucks to walk around the house and see two of everything - two beds, two kennels, two dog bowls...
4. Apollo is pretty lost right now.
5. oh, and wow, we sure put a lot of money into that animal(totally worth every cent).