My Kids Need A Puppy.

All three of my children have been through the phase of pretending to be a puppy. The crawl around on hands and knees on the floor - even in public - the mall - the grocery. They eat pretend food from off the ground and lick my face. You know, normal everyday stuff. They play fetch. They will literally fetch for as long as I will throw. While they can't wrap their cheeks around a tennis ball, we do find other great items to fetch - socks - lincoln logs - veggie tale characters - sometimes even an actual stick. Yes, it looks exactly like a game of fetch with your own dog back home. I say, "Ready Puppy? FETCH Puppy!" and they take off (on hands and knees). The advantage they have over the K-9 is their ability to pick the item up with their hand and place it into their mouth before returning it to me. I pat their head and say "Goooooood Puppy!"
Sometimes they pant and sometimes they bark. Other times they roll over so I can scratch their tummy.

I'd say it's time to give in and purchase a dog.