Sunday, June 27, 2010


Every year on June 21, my sister, brother and I text or call each other and say, "Happy Pammy Day". This is a strange statement because it is actually the anniversary of my mom's death. Now 8 years ago. I can't believe it has been 8 years. The pain of loss is still at arms length. Still, something triggers - - it could be anything (pepper, double-mint gum, tweezers....) and in seconds the memories wash over me.

I have a tradition which I described in detail in 2008.

Last year's remembrance was special because I got to be with my sister.

Creighton, the kids and I had a busy day so we didn't get to Cheesecake Factory until about 9pm. The kids did great - I was so thankful that they kept it together for the Pamela tradition.
They had great attitudes and they humored me while I told them the story of Gammy and how she loved them and how she loved me and how I so wish they could have known her.

I continue to see adult women having coffee with their mothers, and children having quality time with their grandmothers- and it still brings up envy and grief.
I suppose there will never be a day that I don't miss her.

I'm thinking especially of my brother this year because he has a new baby daughter. He named her Tennessee Jean (Mom's middle name is Jean). I hurt for him because I know the deep sense of loss he is feeling - not being able to share his daughter with mom.

His text this year: "I can't talk to you in person because I will burst into tears..."